What You See 

I have been taught,

 All is color, 
In this world around me, 
The colors of a rainbow, 
Sunlight shinning through the clouds, 
Flowers that open and shut, 
On cue with the light. 
Then tell me, 
If there are so many beautiful things, 
Why cannot I see them? 
As my world is black, 
Why?

Getting It Out 

My words are simple to the mind, 
As I write them in my head, 
Then on paper. 
I know many things, 
Nevertheless, they are all trapped, 
I need to say many things, 
However, the words will not pass my lips, 
I see all, 
But fear accompanies my sight, 
I cry so very much, 
But I do not feel anything. 
 

Try To Think 

When I try to think of love, 
The happy times as a child, 
What is missing leaves a void, 
There are no hugs, 

no, I love you, 
No Santa, no happy birthdays, 
Was I happy anytime as a child? 
Is the reason I cannot recall the laughter? 
Because there was none. 

 The Mouse 

  What was my face?

 Before my mommy was born, 
I think it was the look of a mouse, 
Because I'm always looking 
For the seeds of how I feel, 
A hug, a friend to hold my hand, 
Like life,

 but is no friend of mine, 
Because I am forever running, 
From the cats, fear in my mind, 
Hiding so quietly, so I won't be seen, 
Cause if I am caught, 
I will be dead.

 Fly Away  

  You fell on that warm spring day, 

Was lying on the ground, 
I cupped you in my tiny hands, 
You did not make a sound, 
Warmth I gave you from my heart, 
With my tears, I watched you grow, 
I knew we had to part one day, 
Even though I loved you so, 
Then one day you stretched your wings, 
I knew the day had neared, 
Would you survive out on your own? 
With-in my heart I feared, 
So I cupped you in my tiny hands, 
Went off to set you free, 
The tears fell down my pale cheek, 
I knew this had to be, 
Opening my hands up to the sky, 
I said, "be safe and sound, 
Watch your babies in the nest, don't let them hit the ground". 
 
Music To Be Lost

Sweat beads on my skin,

As darkness closes in on me,
Mind games, I am sorry back and forth,
Like a swing in a child's playground,
Climbing a never ending staircase,
Seeing the door, too afraid to reach for the knob,
It fades away further,
Heads exploding, hearts pulsating,
Then numbness,
Just when death creeps into my world lost,
A breeze blows, playing me the music of life,
Wrapping around me,
Taking me away,
Away where my mind is no more, numb.

Reactions

Probing deep inside me,

I see your face waiting,
Waiting for tears or laughter,
Knowing that with one gaze,
You understand all,
All my pain,
All my anxiety, happiness,
My sorrow,
However, confusion blankets me,
Suffocating, destructive,
Like fire deep with-in,
Burning faster and stronger,
There is no outreached hand,
To hold me, so there is no rescue,
Therefore, I plunge into darkness,
And as I fall, I wonder,
What face should be worn?
To please the outsiders,
So that my reaction,
Satisfies their whims.

Silently

Silently I give you my soul,

Tears muting my voice,
My sad eyes beg you to listen,
My soul cries for that moment when,
I know love,
Let me grasp your hand with closed eyes,
So that I can feel your strength,
Gaze into my eyes,
So that I may feel not the cold,
But warmth,
Cradle me in your arms,
Close to your heart,
Promise me,
You will stay forever,
So, I may not see life,
But feel alive.

The Blade Is Cold

Happiness, dreams, expectations,

All of these, not a option,

For my world has none of these,

Only hope,

Hope that death comes quickly,

So, cradle me, sweet warm blood,

Like the sun cradles the earth,

Hope that what lies ahead,

Is not cold and hateful, but paradise,

I am becoming confused,

What day is it, what color is the sky,

As what my eyes see, is darkness?

I am cold inside,

My body shivers, but the skin is still warm,

Is it too late?

Happiness as I take my last sweet breathe,

I am dead,

Falling to the tiled floor,

The blade is cold,

Never more to take me,

No more do I feel pain.

    Blood On The Roof

Anger, hate, confusion, but also love,

How can this be?

As an eagle strong, is not a dove,

How can hate and anger, be love,

Please explain.

I Close My Eyes

Voices, questions surround me,

With closed eyes and locked minds,

Coldness,

As the blood drains from my body,

Childhood dreams,

Soured,

As the truth is shown to me,

In my final hour,

Like a motion picture,

What is light,

Turns midnight black,

What is black never was,

A heart that beats,

Ceases,

However, my soul searches,

For childhood peace,

Angelic silence.

When A Flower Dies

When a flower dies,

Does it know it is dead?

Does it feel pain?

When it wilts,

As the petals drop to the ground,

When it is picked for pleasure,

Does it say goodbye to the sky?

Wouldn?t it be nice,

If flowers never died,

Their color would last forever,

Looking towards the shinning sun,

Never drooping, nor fading,

Not crying for life,

Wouldn?t it.

If Only

Still life images,

Portray happiness and joy,

Smiles on the faces,

Of small girls and boys,

But far behind the images,

That fixes an era true,

Are sadness, hurt and terror?

For them, for me, for you,

We look back through these images,

Remember if we could,

We seek the laughter of our past,

But see the reapers hood,

If only through these images,

I could see what hurt you,

Maybe then I could have stopped it,

If only I had seen,

If only I had known,

If only.

Oh Come

Oh, come and listen,

Console me, in my sad existence,

Know me, understand me,

Feel what I feel,

See what I see,

Know my secrets, my fears,

Experience my nightmare,

Only then, will you no longer,

Wipe the tears from my cheek,

But also your own.

Oh, come and hear,

My screams, my hell,

Follow me into darkness,

Try to warm my soul,

And you will be frozen,

Take away my dream,

The experience of the night,

When my eyes are closed,

No longer seeing,

And I shall die.

Oh, come and taste death,

Let it touch your lips,

Let it embrace your soul,

Take you away,

An end,

A nowhere,

Where my cold pale face,

Will tell you the truth,

And then,

Only then,

Will you truly love me.

Oh come, to witness death,

Those who hurt me,

Those who lied,

See your pathetic faces,

From deaths eyes,

And know,

That I am who will be laughing,

The final laugh.

Frozen Tears

Not all is right with the world,

Children starving,

Not only from hunger,

But also love.

Gaze into their eyes,

Feel their pain,

So alone

Faces so cold,

Their tears are frozen,

Tears no one can wipe.

Nevertheless, shatter as they fall to the ground,

Tears that hold all hope,

Pain that there is no happiness,

But perfect we are not,

We too cry frozen tears,

So isolated, so afraid,

Until we understand the pain,

Ice-cold tears will fall,

Until we cannot tolerate anymore,

Hearts will be cold,

Not feeling anything.

Not caring for any of this worlds,

Cry for help,

Blind and ignorant we become,

Crying no-more,

The world as we know it,

Perishes,

Along with our racist hate and guilt,

Who will save us then?

There will be no one that can.

Be What You Must

With-in me you lay,

Safe and warm, with-out a care

My soul nurtures you,

As you grow,

However, a tear falls,

I fear what is to become,

Of the child with-in,

Is your life to be easy,

Care free, full of hope,

Or worry and hurt,

And filled with despair,

Although my expectations,

For you are high,

Even though you are not even here,

My baby,

I feel in my heart, the reality,

That you will be,

What you must be.

Waterfall

I cry a million tears,

Turning what is my world,

In to a salty river,

Swirls and turmoil,

Watching as my life,

Drifts away,

Calm at first,

Then turning to white water,

Time goes on,

Only to remind me,

Of my cruel existence,

Faster I move,

Nearing the edge,

Waiting to plunge,

The fall consumes me,

The water and I

Become one,

I am free,

I am the waterfall.